Levity
by DiddlySqwat
Summary: When Shuichi hears Tohma, Mika and Eiri discussing Eiri's breaking up with him, what happens when Shuichi makes it worse than it has to be? PLEASE REVIEW
1. Voices

Hello everyone! It's 2:02 AM and I wanted to write a fic, so I did! I'm sorry about any spelling errors, or anything else that seems off in it, I really did try my best to edit...I never was very good at editing anyways. Well, this is really short, but I think if anyone seems to like it at all, I might add to it, that in mind, the ending really isn't in any way a conclusion, so I suppose I will add to it regardless.

Oh yeah, I would like to point out that I have only read up to Book 8 in Gravitation, and am more likely than not, absolutely obsessed with Yuki and Shuichi ((huggles them.)) I got this idea while I was reading it actually, and I just wanted to try it out. I'm sure the dialogue I used wasn't exactly right, and I am aware that it didn't happen this way, but just try to bare with me, ok? It starts out when Shuichi is standing outside Yuki's door (you know, when he hears the plans about Yuki going to New York), and I was actually sort of hoping this would happen in the manga. ((sigh)) Even Maki-Sama isn't so mean to Shu-chan. But I love torturing him...Is that wrong?

Disclaimer: I don't own it. cries WHAAAA. I WANT SHUCHAN!

* * *

Shuichi stood outside the hospital door, hands still clinging to the handle leading to his beloved Yuki. His heart was beating rapidly, still caught up in his adrenaline and worry over Yuki's condition. Thoughts of his blonde lover lying cold in a coffin still whizzed in his mind. It was strange, in a sense. He had run so fast to get to Yuki, and now, he was shaking outside his door, somehow hesitant to enter. His concious was still spewing out the worst events possible through out his head, but it wasn't that voice that had halted him. The true voice he had frozen for was the voice of Tohma Seguchi. President of N-G records, and member of his beloved Nittle Grasper band. And the words he spoke which would haunt him forever.

"_I'm so sorry Eiri, but maybe you shouldn't be with Shuichi-kun anymore. I can't stand by and let this happen to you," _For a moment, Shuichi felt his heart actually sink, like it was colapsing over itself in anticipation, angered and nervous by Tohma's words.

_"I hate to say it, but Tohma's right. You shouldn't be with Shindou-san. You need to get away." _'Mika-san? So Mika was in there too?' Shuichi's delema increased with the repetition of Tohma's words from his wife's mouth. 'What had he done to Yuki? Why were they pushing for this? What did they-'

_"I suppose...you're right."_ Shuichi's thoughts were ripped from him by Yuki's words. "Yu..ki? Wha?" he whispered to himself, unable to even complete his sentence for the shock that was setting in. His mind was quickely reaching point blank, and he barely registered the voices still coming from the room.

"...New York makes sense... He won't be able to follow me," Yuki's voice again. 'New York? That was in...America, wasn't it? Oh no!..So far away! ' He found he was tuning out most of the words said by Tohma and Mika, only Eiri's seemed to be able to get through to him.

"...Take your condition into account," Mika's voice was full of reason, Shuichi just didn't know what reason. 'Condition? is Yuki really that sick?'

"...My first reaction was most honest. Maybe I should break up with him for good." Yuki's words finally snapped Shuichi from his daze. He only now realized how tight his grip had become on the handle, or how there were already silent tears creating a small lake beneath his feet. He was still staring directly at the name plate of the door. He shook his head, ever so slightly, willing their words away. Jerkilly, he removed his hand from its death grip on the doorknob. He backed away slowly, refusing to break his gaze with the name.

'_Eiri Uesugi. Eiri Uesugi. Eiri Uesugi'. _He felt thename echoing through his mind, through his heart and soul. Digging deeper into him each time. 'No, no, no. It...he wouldn't. Not Yuki..He won't leave me, will he? He's just sick. He's just a little bit sick.'

K's words from earlier wormed their way unforgivingly around his thoughts. "_He's in the hospital, he's coughing up blood," _He felt his back colide with something, someone.

And it was too much.

As he fell to the floor, hearing the man he bumped into call out to him, he turned, nearly in mid fall, and started running as fast as he could, away from Yuki, and away from the voices.

* * *

Ok...so I told you it was short, oh so short. (I'm soo sorry..then again...now it's 2:13AM yawn) please, if you read this, then review! I admit to being very bad at following up on stories (I've deleted three other stories I had up because I just lost interest) but if I get reviews, I promise not to do that! Really, I do! So please, please, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review! 


	2. Lost in Tears

Wow...I updated! This chapter should be a bit longer than the last one, butI could be wrong. I hope everyone likes it! Enjoy!

I do not own gravitation. All I own are the manga books! ..oh...nevermind, I have to give them back to the library...((cries))

---------

Shuichi ran down the white hospital hallways, automatically dodging the other people and equipment, seemingly oblivious to all that was happening around him. His ears rung with his footfalls, and the echo of 'Eiri Uesugi' over and over again in a dull rhythm, feuling his steps.

He kept moving, his mind not really grasping where he was, or where he was going. Instead, the only thought he could handle was_ 'Run_.' He wasn't even sure why he was running, or from what, he just needed to be away from them. _The voices, those terrible, terrible voices. The voices. So that's what I'm running from...oh, Yuki, Yuki, Yuki..._

With his reason for escape intact, he ran faster, wanting even more desperately to be away. He didn't even see Hiro and K until he was about to literally run them over.

"Shu! Hey, man, slow down," Hiro managed to grab hold of Shuichi's shirt to keep him still. He pulled his friend towards him, years of friendship alerting him something wrong. Cupping his chin, he forced the pink-headed boy to look at him. The site he was greeted with was nothing like what he had expected from someone whose lover was being hospitalized. And nothing like what he would expect from Shuichi, ever.

He found himself looking into those brilliant violet eyes he knew so well. But there was something strange about them, too. Something which made them unfamiliar. A look of, could it be, despairation? And confusion, too? Both transfused themselves into the normally happy-go-lucky violetness of his friend's eyes, distorting them into something Hiro had never seen before in them. And something else was there too, a small, lingering glint of hatred that seemed to disappear in an instant, only to be replaced by tears.

Shuichi could feel himself falling apart already, the thoughts of life without Yuki seemed too terrible to endure. Hiro gently pulled his friend with him, knowing that Shuichi losing it in the middle of the busy reception room would cause too much gossip, something, by the look of him, Shuichi couldn't take right now.

K followed, casting glances in all directions in search of reporters. He knew why they were moving, and was actually semi-surprised Hiro has the immediate sense to move them out of gossip's way.

Hiro was supporting Shuichi, one arm wrapped around his friend's back with a steady hand gripping his shoulder. He led them to a hallway off the waiting room which seemed mostly unused and where no one wandered. Shuichi couldn't have cared. He was lost in his own whirl of thoughts.

Images reached their way to the surface of his mind, then disappeared, being replaced by even more heartwrenching ones. He saw Yuki. He saw Himself. He saw the two of them caught in a desperate kiss, and felt the burning sensation on his lips. He saw Yuki yelling at the last stupid thing he's done, and saw himself trying half heartedly to defend himself, his resolve breaking and tears overwhelming him. All memories good and bad seemed to cling behind his closed eyelids, a feeling flashing across his sences from each: warm, sour, sweet, bitter, and his own impowered love never vocaly returned. But despite the lack of verbal recognition from Yuki, Shuichi had known the seemingly cold novelist loved him.

Loving Yuki was so much more than he could ever have wished for himself. He couldn't describe it, he couldn't say it enough, in fact, nothing was enough to really make the person understand, it just was. And Shuichi became it, twisting his own soul with the one he loved, then leaving part of it with them forever. But now...What if that had changed?

Shuichi had never needed to hear Yuki say he loved him. He wanted it, but he didn't need it. Somewhere deep down inside him, there had always been a sense of knowing, and understanding with Yuki's lack of "I love you"'s. Now, when it seemed he had been wrong, the loss he felt where he had held his understanding seemed to be spreading and consuming him into emptyness. And it hurt. It hurt so much. He could barely stand it.

Hiro turned his friend roughly to face him, placing both hands on his shoulders so he could look into his eyes. But Shuichi's eyes remained downcast, his tears slowly leaking their way down his face and shuddering on the tip of his nose, before dropping to the tile floor. He lifted his friends chin, feeling slightly annoyed with his silence. He hated seeing Shu this way, it broke his heart. He needed to see his friend smiling, and he wanted it now more than ever.

"Shuichi? Please, Shu. Talk to me." He cooed gently, in hopes his soothing voice would quell the singer's tears. He was given no response. "Shu? Please Shu. What happened?"

Shuichi heard his friends voice. Distantly at first, then Hiro's ergency got to him. Hiro was worried? About him? It seemed that way. _Funny...Of course Hiro cares about me..._ The realization made his mouth twitch slightly towards a smile. He moved his head to look at Hiro, observing the raw worry in his face, and a wave of guilt crept over him. He had made Hiro worry about him, and he hated that. _Hiro shouldn't have to deal with being worried about me. That's not fair! He shouldn't worry! Ugh...I'm worrying him still._ There was only one thing he could think to do: suck it up and hide it.

Shuichi's tear strewn face looked up at Hiro, suddenly changing from its former look of despair. He smiled reassuringly.

"I'm sorry, Hiro." Shuichi began. "I'm ok, really. But I have to go now. I'll see you later, ok?" Shuichi didn't wait for an answer, simply turned around with an unusual calmness and headed towards the exit. Behind him a stunned guitarist and manager stood, unable to move from surprise.

---------

Ok, so not too much happened in it-sorry!...Shuichi should get home in the next chapter (or he might go somewhere else, too...honestly, I'm not sure yet.) But it should be the beginning of why I have this listedunder angst. Because I love angst. And angst plus Shuichi equals happiness...wouldn't you agree?

Oh yes, please review! I will love you forever and read all of your stories and review them! (aha! bribery!) And well...suggestions are great, too. Oh yeah, thanks for reading!


	3. New Realizations

Ok, so this is what happens when I try to update "fast." Ok, fine, I admit it. It's been awhile, and I'm really sorry about that! (School, you know...)But, just as a warning, I might have missed some things in this chapter...So please, just don't expect too much, ok? And please don't yell at me for it, believe it or not, I actually kind of like this chapter! (Short as it may be...)

So anyways, I hope you all like it! (Yay! I made it to chapter three! But why isn't anyone else cheering? ((cries)) Ok, fine. I'll let you get on to the story then...

Disclaimer: I disclaim. Thus I have disclaimed. Hooray!

-----

It was only after Shuichi had made it to the parking lot that he realized he had a problem: He had no way of getting home. He had gotten a ride over with K, then rushed in so fast, they hadn't had a chance of keeping up with him. But he had only _just_ abandoned them, walking out of the hospital with an eerily calm stride that left no hint that he was a wreck inside. He was doing something he'd never tried before. He was hiding his feelings.

Looking around, he searched for some way to get home. He wasn't in the mood to go back to find Hiro and ask for a ride, nor could he hail a taxi for fear of being recognized and making a scene. He didn't even have his sunglasses, or even a hat with him. He'd rushed out of NG too quick to even consider things like that. Eventually, he found his only option was to walk home. It was long, but he needed to clear his head anyways.

He started down the sidewalk, head bowed, letting his hair cover his famously purple eyes. His footsteps were soft on the concrete, and he manuvered easily around the other people, weaving his way around and through the diverse mass. He always liked the city, all the different types of people, all the things going on, and the chaos that seemed to drift around every corner, just waiting to be discovered. Normally, he would be soaking up every sound, smell, feeling, everything he could take in from it. But not today. Instead, his mind was filled with everything Yuki. The novelist's face, hair, his deep, sarcastic voice. Shuichi wanted Yuki here now. He wanted his lover to hold him, to tell him everything was ok, that he would never leave him, and that he was _there_. Just having Yuki say he was _there _would have been enough. At least he wouldn't feel so separated, so alone. Still, thoughts of life without Yuki, or even a week without Yuki, were too painful for the young vocalist to fathom.

He slouched a bit and pushed his hands deep into the pockets of his pants when a gust of cool wind rushed by. He didn't know how long he'd been walking, only that his feet were becoming numb and he was shivering slightly. He had been walking for so long, he realized he hadn't even been thinking about it, or where exactly he was going. Looking up, he was relieved to find himself in an area of the city he actually knew. The sidewalk stretched next to a high wall which looked out onto the ocean. He had always liked it here, just never really payed much attention to it. Now that he had a chance to, he thought it was beautiful.

The sun was getting low in the sky and faint wisps of pink could be seen floating on the edges of the horizon. Closer clouds blazed yellow, and were outlined in a firey orange which clashed against the dimming blue sky. He could see the sun, too. The great luminescent ball of light which dangled above the ocean's horizon. He was drawn to it, and paused a minute to lean against the green metal guard rail. It was cold to the touch, but he setteled into it, embracing the sensation. From where he stood, the water itself was magnificent. Every ripple and wave twirling from it's depths caught a sun ray and amplified it, setting the sea ablaze. As he observed, it sank lower, and the sky above the city grew darker, only replacing the light with artificial signs and lights advertising it's grandeur.

Another cold gust of wind blew in, salty from the sea. He shivered as it brushed against his arms, while goosebumps raised on his skin. It really was getting dark now, and cold. He needed to get home. Reluctantly, he turned away from the sun, and continued on his way.

By the time Shuichi returned to the house, he was cold, tired, hungry, and a bit irratable. Although he had meant to think about his situation with Yuki on his walk home, he had been too occupied with trying to keep from freezing. He rubbed his bare arms in a last effort to warm himself before entering the house. He made it into the building, relieved that it was heated, then moved to his apartment. He smiled to himself, happy that he had his keys with him for once, and pulled the metal object from the pocket of his pants.

Opening the door, he was on autopilot, and immediately called out to Yuki, but all that replied was silence. There weren't even any lights on in the apartment. _That's strange.. _It took the vocalist a minute to realize what was going on. Yuki was at the hospital.

"Oh, Yuki.. How could I forget?" He mumbled to himself. And instantly, he felt bad. _I forgot about you, Yuki. Kami-sama..I'm a terrible lover.. I hope he will forgive me..._

Being Shuichi, he started to naw on his fingernails, not knowing what to do. Even though he lived there, the apartment seemed oddly unfamiliar to him. It was strange without Yuki there. The novelist may be cold, but his presence and warm golden hair had always filled the apartment, at least enough to be considered a home. It was his presence and Shuichi's together that made the apartment come to life. Without him, it was just a combination of rooms.

He wandered around the apartment, arms wrapped protectively aorund himself, as if danger might jump out at him without Yuki there. He had never felt so lonely before. He wanted to cry. Mostly, he wanted Yuki.

Shuichi settled at last, climbing onto the sofa and curling himself up until he resembled a small pink ball. He reached for the TV remote and flipped on the television. He needed to get his mind off Yuki. The thought alone of Yuki at the hospital was tearing him up, but the idea of Yuki not wanting him was far worse.

He searched the programs, looking for something that might interest him, but all he found were commercials and cooking shows on all of his favorite channels. Even his favorite music channel wasn't showing anything of interest, at least, not unless he developed an intense love for ASK anytime soon, which was doubtful. With nothing to occupy his mind, his thoughts strayed back to his novelist lover. _Is he even _mine _anymore? Yuki? What am I supposed to do?_

His hopelessness was back, and with it, his sense of loss. He curled up tighter, trying to sink into the corner of the couch, as if he could stay there forever. As he was pushing his head down deep into the pillows, the television became audible, and he caught only a few stray words. "The Novel..st..Eir..ki...was brought int..the hospit..l..for..rea.s..unknow..." _Yuki? Yuki is on the news? What do they know? _

Shuichi sat up, wondering how much the news had gotten hold of, and hoping they didn't actually _know_. With his ears clear of the thick couch fabric, Shuichi could hear every word spoken by the dark haired woman on the screen. "His condition is said to be stable, however the nature of his entering the hospital still remains a mystery to the public. Yuki-sama's supposed lover, Shindou-sama, member of the up and rising new band, Bad Luck, was seen entering the building, where onlookers described him as 'worried,' and shortly after, left, being said to be much calmer and acting a bit dazed." _I was dazed? Well, of course I was dazed! Yuki practically said he didn't want me in there... _

Shuichi blinked. _That's right. Yuki doesn't want me. _He looked around. He was sitting in _Yuki's _apartment, on _Yuki's_ couch, watching _Yuki's_ television. In fact, everything was _Yuki's_. Everything was _Yuki's_, except for him. Because _Yuki_ didn't want him anymore. He was being disposed of, just like the pancackes Shuichi had tried to make only a few days before: he was unusable, unnecessary, and quite simply, unwanted. The thought brought tears to Shuichi's eyes. He'd never really felt totally unwanted before, and this new feeling, like many he had experienced that day, hurt. It hurt deep down in his chest, in his mind, in his soul. And just like everything else, it was too much.

------

Short again, I know...but I bet this one is longer than the last two! Oh, and PLEASE(I beg, yes, I do) REVIEW! Anything good, anything bad! Anything at all! Please! Review and I shall write!(Haha, "shall"...I love old english words...so fun... ;o).. )


End file.
